no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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