So drunk, too bad you don't want this
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
