Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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