Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
