I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
