youre lurking in front of me
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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