i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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