The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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