i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The ass gains better be worth it
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