She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he puts the penis in happiness.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
