So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize