can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
