Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
