Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
