I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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