Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
mondays should just be called national damage control day
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
