just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
