Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
