Fine. I'll sleep in my office
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
