I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just high enough for therapy.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
