I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
If I die, sorry about rent.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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