she woke up with a sticky ear
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just want to make out with him forever
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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