Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
