Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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