I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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