Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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