Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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