Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
