how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize