What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
