woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize