I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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