I bet he comes in French.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
