you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
