He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
