The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
