You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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