I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
