you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I understand Curling. That high.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
