ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
