Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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