I got chris browned last night
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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