what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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