Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
