recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
