My friends, they love my intelligence
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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