Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i will never coherently bang her
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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