he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
