my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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