I'm really into asian looking animals
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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