he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
