I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
