Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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