I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
