i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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