How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
