It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
