dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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