I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
