Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
