Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
