you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
