Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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