A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
