here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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