Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
