So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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