we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
