i may or may not be watching the land before time
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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