So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
