whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
