if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
