I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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