You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
