Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
