i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
