i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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