If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
