I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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