she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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